Determine If Proposal With or Without Ring 

So how are you going to propose, or have you done it already? If you haven’t popped the question yet then you need to decide whether you will have the ring with you or whether you will buy it together afterwards.

Off-The-Shelf-Ring Pre-Proposal  

This is the traditional method where you head down to the local High Street jewellery store and ask the sales assistant what she thinks your future fiancée would like. She then picks out a mediocre diamond engagement ring (diamond already set in a ring) at an inflated price and tells you that your future wife will melt when you propose with this.

Of course, you now know that a High Street or national brand jewellery store is the not the best place to get the most diamond for your buck.

It is a good place to go and look at potential styles. It is also a good place to find out what your pre-determined budget will buy you on the High Street, knowing that you can then reduce that price by 30%
to 50% to get the same specification diamond online or wholesale, or increase the diamond specification to fill your entire budget.

This isn’t my preferred method (and wasn’t what I did) but you are going to have your own idea of how it should be done. So here are two essential pieces of homework that you must do.

Determine Her Preferred Diamond Ring Style 

You need to be certain before you buy the ring of what she is going to really love; after all, she will be wearing it every day for the rest of her life!

Here are some ways of doing this:

a) Look at her existing ring styles. Is she traditional, contemporary modern or funky in her tastes? Does she wear predominantly gold or silver coloured jewellery (some women don’t like to mix the colours)? It will probably follow that she will use that same sense of style with her engagement ring style.

b) On a trip into town with her pretend that you are looking at buying a new watch. Craftily take her into your local jeweller and make her check the watches over with you. Try an unnecessarily large amount of watches on and peruse over them longer than what is really needed – at some point she will get bored with this and wander over to what she really wanted to look at all along, the sparkly diamond rings. Give her a minute or two to look and then subtly join her – then work your detective magic. Pick up on what she is looking at, pointing at and admiring. Be subtle!

c)  Following on from this, grab catalogues from the jewellery stores where you have been looking at “watches” and take them home for further perusal. Of course, what you want her to do is flick through them herself so you can look over her shoulder while you are sitting on the couch. Check what she is browsing at, pausing to look at, and commenting on.

d) Use this suggestion with extreme caution as we all know just how much women love to talk and gossip! Her closest girlfriends may well have a good idea of what type of ring she has in her minds eye. If you can be assured that they will keep their mouths firmly sealed, they could be a good source of information. Just remember to point out how disappointed she would be, if word was to get back to her about her boyfriend’s impending proposal. Be careful!

e) Take notice of what comments she makes about recently engaged friends’ rings. Instead of doing the normal “uh-huh” subtly probe for what specifically she likes about the ring.

f) If in doubt go for a traditional diamond shape like the round brilliant cut. These are, after all, the most sparkling diamonds because of their shape. Select a nice contemporary style such as Tiffany’s solitaire diamond settings.

Get Her Ring Size 

There are two main ways to go about determining her ring size.

a) Sneak one of her existing rings (make sure it is one she wears on one of her ring fingers) from her jewellery box and take it with you on one of your recon trips to the High Street jewellers. Then get the jeweller to measure the ring using a ring sizer.

b) Take a small bar of soap or plasticine and make an impression of one of her rings in it. Then take the
soap/plasticine to the jeweller and get them to measure the ring size from that.

Don’t let finding a great diamond, in her perfect setting, at a great price but the wrong ring size put you off from purchasing it – the ring itself can be easily resized at negligible cost.

Loose Diamond then Set Pre Proposal   

This is where you purchase the diamond separately and then have it set in a ring before proposing. You will probably make large savings doing it this way as you will most probably buy the diamond from an online diamond retailer or independent diamond merchant.

I think it can be a good option as long as you are confident in your diamond knowledge, know exactly what style of setting your girlfriend wants, and that you will be meeting her expectations.

This also gives you the option of pulling out of having the diamond set before the proposal in case you lose your confidence in selecting the right setting. You then still have the diamond to use to propose to her, after which you can both shop for the setting.

Loose Diamond Pre-Proposal then Set Post Proposal  

This is where you buy the diamond before proposing and then shop for the setting together afterwards. It is quite similar to the previous option but completely takes the heat off you to guesstimate what her perfect setting is.

I think this is a great way to do it because you go to a lot of time and effort to find her the perfect diamond and she will appreciate this immensely. You are then also thoughtful enough to let her make the decision herself as to how the diamond is set – a double winner!

Two of my best mates who proposed to their girlfriends prior to me and who I took advice from on diamond engagement rings used this method. It was very well received.

It also ensures that you stick to your budget for the diamond without being influenced by your girlfriend on how much you should be spending.

Off-the-Shelf Ring Post-Proposal 

This option is a less traditional means of proposing but is a great way to get your girlfriend very excited! Just think, women adore shopping, they adore diamonds, and most adore the thought of getting engaged and married. No wonder it blows their mind when you combine all three!

There are a few obvious downsides to this option. First, you can’t present her with anything when you get down on one knee. I actually used a cunning tactic so that I did have something to give to Louise when I proposed and I will get to that shortly.

Second, there are now two of you shopping for the perfect diamond engagement ring and you both have different agendas. One of you wants to minimise the cost and one of you wants to maximise the size and sparkle!

One way around this is educating your fiancée with this diamond information. Explain exactly how you are going to go about maximising her diamond while minimising the cost of that diamond.

Third, less scrupulous diamond retailers may use hard-sell tactics on you when they realise that you are shopping for the ring together. A common tactic would be for them to bring out a few diamonds of the specification that you request plus a bigger one that might be another £1000 or so more expensive, just for “comparisons” sake. Don’t let trickery like this sway you from your budget.

Loose Diamond then Set Pre Proposal  

This is where you both shop for the diamond together after the pproposal and then select a setting for that diamond together also. It iis a similar option to the prior one, except you are going to certainly save more money or maximise the size of your diamond depending on how you look at it. This is because you will either be using an online diamond retailer or independent diamond merchant.

Using CZ shapes to propose 

This is actually what I did to propose to Louise. I got four different shapes of Cubic Zirconium stones (fake diamond) from Daniel, the diamond merchant that I had been recommended to by my friend.

I then selected the round cut shape and put that in the top of a small jewel case, with the other 3 shapes, a heart, an emerald and a pear, in behind the felt cloth of the case.

When I proposed to Louise in Egypt I gave her the jewel box with the round-shaped CZ stone in the top.

After I proposed I told Lou what I had done with the CZ shapes and she got all 4 out and started mulling over which shape she preferred. After a few days she had it narrowed down to the emerald cut and the round cut. Finally she settled on the round cut. When we got back to the UK I took her to see Daniel so she could learn about diamonds too.